We gathered at this well chosen A site by the lake behind Buddha Mountain. A much anticipated run being Hared by the outgoing GM Gi Joe and the incoming GM Festering Streaker.
We were warned that this run was not for the faint hearted. “For an average to good runner, it should take 70 to 80 minutes”, we were told by Festering Streaker.
Plenty of newbie’s being nine in total and two absolute virgins. Nice to see Penang Hashers with us again.
On On through the two trees and that is when the shit started. Dizzy was heard saying within the first kilometer “what are we on, is it white paper?” which summed up this entire run.
On the black stuff with the trail cleverly paralleling in the scrub on the left, with Rusty Ring Hole out to prove that he is the youngest and the dumbest of all the hashes. He was sprinting without restraint with the ever not present Roger The Sick Prick on his tail.
Up to the left, and around a field, up up up and on on to the first check. All hashes were present at the first check as we combed a huge area without success. Never have I witnessed so many hashes checking and the front runners paled in significance! After much winging, and ten to fifteen minutes, a tiny evidence of paper once being dropped was discovered which lead through some scrub and we were confronted by a mound of gravel that reached to the sky it seemed, which we scaled in unison.
Not wanting to give up this high ground, the majority or runners peered down at Rusty Ring Hole and Roger The Sick Prick with the ever improving Ball Ringer looking for trail. Once discovered, away we all went up through some more bushes to what was the second of these disastrous checks.
To the left was somewhat obvious, however this run was laid by Gi Joe and Festering Streaker. To the right was a quarry and more piles of road base. Straight ahead, yeh but we had all done that several times and no paper to be seen. Sheik MeMe done the honorable thing and stayed at the check with the two virgins so as they would not get lost and they were looking rather confused about this Jungle check business where you get to stand around for up to half an hour. Going For A Song was seen returning to the check with words of wisdom relating to the possibilities that beset us hashes. As was Dizzy, who was a little more blunt about the “fucking idiots”!
On on to the next one stick check outside the entrance to another quarry. This was no different to the rest of the checks as being impossible to find any sign of paper. All the boys were checking and the grumblings and criticisms were growing more frequent. Not to be part of gossip and griping, Sheik MeMe headed in the wrong direction on the check up up up around to the right for more than 500 meters with Roger the Sick Prick. Upon returning to the check area Sheik MeMe went down into the quarry and was seen on the back of a truck coming back out of this same quarry sometime later.
Milling around the check was a confused lot with the talk of mutiny, so to speak. A few were seen sauntering off and amongst these were Going For Song, Dizzy, Really Sadistic Bastard and Sheik Bin Shaggin, heading in the distance, in the general direction of the A- Site area ,and the irresistible allure of the beer wagon. We were later to learn that these were the smartest of all the hashers!
Even the front runners and those that do actually run the checks, were considering heading back in defeat, as we had been out for over an hour at this point and no one was feeling confident about actually finding paper!
Sheik MeMe was one of these defeated ones, having run the entire quarry and what seemed like miles from the check heading along a bush line on the top side of the quarry, noticed what resembled paper down this small trail. The issue, being so far from the check and no one within koewee, calling on on, was a waste of time. Not only that the rock crusher in the quarry between the Sheik and the check, the rock crusher was in full swing and the noise emanating was going to drown any on on call!
Sheik MeMe had done the unheard of, and began running back to the check calling On On On On On On! Much to the surprise, and may I suggest disappointment of the thirsty ones that were resigned to heading back to join the trailer trash at the A site!
The uniqueness of this run, is not having a bearing on the Buddha Mountain, which had us all confused about our whereabouts at all times! And the other, it was a shitty run, quite unique to the Jungle Hash!
All together again, and the front runners (we are all together mind you) are thinking that Gi Joe has set his GPS for home. And then, we come to yet another check. Ball Ringer, in devastating form, ran the LONG (as he was quick to announce) false trail. He then came back to the check and ran in the opposite direction which was in the opposite direction to the A site and sure enough, he was calling on on. We all thought another false trail surely! How wrong we were! With blistering pace, Ball Ringer and Mee Grob set off through the shoulder high scrub and on to the railway portion of our shitty afternoon. As usual, very little paper and enormous confusion! Through someone’s backyard when not on a check was present and lost, but plastering’s of paper were seen on the other side if some shiggy. At this point Rusty Ring Hole informed anyone who would listen, that we were more than eight kilometers from the A site! This was information gleaned from his GPS. Tampax was horrified and easily got the support of the wingers that were still running!
The railway was an event that I would be happy to forget! On for a while and back down into scrub and watching all the shoes being smashed by water in the bush and rocks on the railway lines. And still, very little paper. At the end of the four kilometer row of railway carriages was the most paper we have seen all night and back down though the smelly water and scrub. And creativity by the hairs again, put us back through a railway carriage! Along the line and under the train and back into the scrub. At this point, Rusty Ring Hole was comatose by his GPS and this is the last we seen of this bastard!
Up and Down Dick was close to the front runners and was not talking due to his heavy breathing and obvious disgust at not turning back with the other short cutters.
The sun was setting and by the road after loosing paper yet again, Up and Down Dick and Sheik MeMe made the call to call a regroup. We were completely lost and were concerned about the virgins and back runners.
Roger The Sick Prick was asking truck drivers the direction to the lake and they were completely wrong, as they thought Roger was asking where Cambodia was!
We as a group, in the late twilight asking every passer by on the road “where the fucken lake was”? Tampax had a good idea that the lake it was straight ahead and Roger the Sick Prick was determined the A Site was in the opposite direction. Conflict was brewing and Mee Grob was heading back to the railway car via the bush to look for paper!
We headed straight ahead and we were still arguing about the wisdom of our decision! We were lead by our fearless visitor from the Philippines who spotted a temple he had once dreamt about and was now certain that this was the way we should head, and we as a group overruled our former know it all bastard Tampax, who was determined to drag the group up through the quarry in the wrong direction. Our certainty grew stronger and we set off running again, of course not on paper, but this was common on this run.
The hare, Festering Streaker together with Sir Lance in his ambulance, with very concerned looks on their faces turned up transport and rescued the dejected, worn out and pissed off runners at the back. Sheik Me Me was the first of the true hashers in (not Rusty Ring Hole with his GPS, which we so desperately needed) in a time of 2 hours and 48 minutes.
It was a Monkey Hash without the drink stop!
We were pleased to see Sheik Bin Shaggin, Jazzer, Sir Lance, Dizzy, Going for Song, Lord Lucan, Mad Cow, Missing Link, Really Sadistic Bastard, G.I. Joe and crew pissed out of their minds feeling little pain in themselves and compassion for their fellow hashers. And then there was the circle…..
On On
Sheik MeMe
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