BALLRINGER & BELL END

FROM PATTAYA KLANG

Turn left onto the Sukhumvit Rd and drive towards Bangkok . Turn on right onto highway 36 and drive 9km before turning left onto road 3240.

Continue for 3.1 km along the 3240 and turn left at the (HHH) sign. After a further 2.6 km look for the (HHH) sign directing you to turn right into the A site

THE RUN REPORT #112 by GREYHOUND

The GM got things started by christening one new shoe hasher and welcoming our guests from Malacca.

Our Hares for the day Ball Ringer and Bell End were called into the circle to explain (long monologue) what to look for on the run. Graphics with a few sticks painted in camouflage blue and it was on out.

So on-on to explore pastures green, soon to be followed by a quagmire, which everyone slowed down to enjoy and savour the sweet aroma. Then on to explore sandy tracks, ditches and leafy glades. The silent order of FRB's enjoyed finding the many false trails and were heard later to complain that there were more blue crosses found than they had been led to believe at the briefing. Nobody was heard to complain about the rope climb up a steep bank in the middle of the run, the hares had been generous with the knots. After inspecting a few cassava fields, the hashers were able to wash their shoes in a stream for about 800 meters, which lead to the on-in, to the disappointment of the bovine fanciers, who had been promised the sight of some. The most notable hashers were GI Joe who lost the trail so often that he's now practicing calling off-off and Suck-my-tube who admitted to being a fallen lady, but suffered no injury!

CIRCLE REPORT FOR SPECIAL PATTAYA JUNGLE H3 RUN #112 by RUMBLED 4 SKIN

The following Circle report bears absolutely no resemblance to the truth, as the designated Circle Scribe was totally pissed and can't remember a thing about what actually happened. Never mind, as they say, never let the truth get in the way of a good story. However, one notable event was that Really Sadistic Bastard was conspicuous by his silence.

The Circle started with thanks to the hares (Ball Ringer and Bell End) - great run!!, then new shoes (1 incumbent) and a general welcome for the Malays. Thereafter, politesse and camaraderie went to piss, and a large proportion of the remaining evening was spent insulting each other to the most extreme extent possible (apart from one or 2 occasions, which were obviously mistakes).

Gratuitous and crass use of the pink “Poofter's chairs” and “crossed legs” were the causes of several icings delighting many; the lottery was held in the dark especially so that nobody could distinguish the colour of his/her ticket and therefore stood to lose any rightly-won and desperately fought for prize. Mis-management in exelcis.

Greyhound was iced for his aptitude at falling into holes on the run, despite numerous warnings - serves the bastard right. Also on the ice, Rumpled 4skin (aka Crinkled Forehead) earned doubtful fame through pole-dancing expertise using trees on steep down-hill sections. Say no more (except visit Boys' Town next week for a full viewing - cheap fun and japes for all).

Rumpled 4skin then put on the most brilliant show ever, describing the antics of an English couple who tried to screw the insurance companies of loads of loot by having “him” disappear, only to fail when the stupid git gave himself up to the Fuzz. Both are spending Xmas behind bars, where the supply of mince pies and sherry will be relatively limited compared with Panama, where they could have been still enjoying the proceeds even now. Prats.

The Malaysian contingent entertained everybody with some extremely amusing songs and actions, and handed out hash feet to all (thanks fellers). Sorry that most Pattaya hashers didn't understand what the words of the songs meant, never mind it was fun. Also a number of T-shirts were distributed around the Circle; nobody really seemed to know why, but thanks anyway, whoever and whyever.

Ringworm surrendered the original contents of the “American vodka” bought by GI Joe for 800 baht at the Bush hash auction. Unfortunately before the auction the original contents had been substituted by water - just for a giggle (ha bloody ha).

The chosen Victim was Disco, Goodness knows why but it couldn't have happened to a nicer Malaysian. Disco did a great job, and is highly recommended for the next occasion

Dizzy got iced for having boasted after the last Monkey hash that he had got away without any ice - so that bastard got his just deserts.

The Malaysians put up a superb show with The Tubes. After 3 goes one became so proficient that he will be obliged to demonstrate The Tubes to newcomers at his next visit. Later Festering Streaker showed his skill “par excellence” at The Tube. A most impressive performance possibly made slightly easier by the enhanced jaw dimensions.

What else did our Malaysian guests have to look forward to? A dry night, that's what, because due to some election stuff the Thai authorities had decided to prohibit all sale of alcohol for what was starting to feel like an eternity (bummer). That earned Speedy a spell in the bucket for having totally mis-managed the entire visit weekend, and serves the bastard right.

For once Ball Ringer was not iced on account of his pretty pink nylons, because he didn't have them on, being a hare and not actually running etc.

All taken into consideration, this Circle was probably the most boring time ever to be had by any hasher (at least, the report is), and everybody quietly swore blind that this would be the last time they ever came to such a crappy show. But who gives a toss?

ON ON!!