Pattaya Jungle H3

RUN # 118	HARES
16 March, 2008	G.I. Joe & Squeeze My Tube

FROM PATTAYA KLANG TURN LEFT ONTO SUKHUMVIT ROAD

GO 9 K TURN ONTO HIGHWAY 36 GO 6.5 K AND GET ON HIGHWAY 7 BANGKOK

GO APPROXIMATELY 3.5 K AFTER CROSSING UNDER A BRIDGE GET ON

FRONTAL ROAD ON LEFT SIDE HHH 50 METERS TURN LEFT HHH

300 METERS TURN LEFT HHH CROSSING OVER BRIDGE

GO 1 K TURN LEFT HHH A SITE 700 METERS ON RIGHT

Run Report by: Jackal

After having dealt with 6 or so visitors, the GM told the hares to explain the run; soon we were on our way. Some tapioca and a dirt road, then the first check: It took us minutes to discover it! It was in dark blue and hardly visible. Solving it was rather easy. More tapioca running and dirt road running, then came bushland. When we left the bushland, we ran into more tapioca. The trail turned north, and some thought this meant the run was anti-clockwise. But no premature conclusions: The trail continued in easterly direction. More tapioca and another dirt road, and then: a hill! We had seen these hills already from the A-site, but many an illusionist had hoped the trail would be restricted to the flat terrain. No. It is standard on the Pattaya hashes: If there are hills, the hares use them.

Before the hills the pack was together, but now, in the hilly terrain, the pack became streched like a rubber band. Unavoidable, of course, because it is difficult in this kind of terrain to place reasonable checks. Mai pen rai.

The trail continued in southerly direction, and it became clear that its structure was clockwise. So, when we left the hills and reached the flat terrain again, we knew, the A-site had to be somewhere in the West; if we failed to find paper, we would just have to follow the sun. However, it turned out that there was enough paper, so the sun was not required.

After a check which took a long while to solve, there was a dirt road as well as some tapioca again, and then came bushland, very similar to the bushland in which the A-site was located. Correspondingly, some dreamers started believing that we were already close to the A-site. But no! The trail left the bushland, crossed - what a surprise - more tapioca, after that - wait for it - even more tapioca.... Then, however, new hope arose from the fact that we saw something that could be a road. Was it the one we knew? The one next to the A-site? This time, our hopes were not in vain: It was a road, we followed the tarmac for a minute, a dirt track for another minute, then saw the On In sign.

The run had taken the FRBs an hour and a quarter. (The walkers arrived later after as much as one hour 55, in spite of all the shortcutting recommendations the hares had given them before the run.) It had been a good run in interesting terrain, just with some blood loss in the case of RSB and the scribe and some others, due to the thorn bushes. Never mind, a Jungle run is a Jungle run. But it has to be kept in mind for future runs that dark blue is not a good colour for checks.

After recovering from the run, there was a shock: no stools! Dizzy had all the stools, but, faking insanity, he had failed to come to the Hash. So we had to get used to the idea of a stand-up circle, although some hashers preferred sitting on coconuts.

The GM opened the circle, talked about the views from the hills. (The scribe did not remember any view at all, but he never keeps anything in mind when he is exhausted.) The hares were put on the ice, and the rest of the crowd was asked for comments on the run. Nobody came up with any criticism. However, the GM then gave hare G.I. Joe Hash Trash status for a bottle top not disposed of properly.

Rumple 4skin took over and iced Mystery Union, Boxer Butt and RSB, declaring them Hash Crash.

The GM then tested the ice, finding it was cheap stuff with only one half the regular thickness. He iced V.V., Mr. Statler and one other frog. He then sang the well-known French song "Ou est le papier?" Finally, he thanked V.V. for the food service.

Jellobutt iced 4 Australians, and then a visitor from the UK or Ireland or so by the name of Running Dick and his Irish girl friend: him for bringing a girl into Pattaya, believing there were no local females here, and her for liking "variety" (whatever she means by that) in Boyz Town. He also iced 2 Texans.

The GM iced RSB as a Mad Cow surrogate.

Then Bangka Blower took over and iced the GM, Mrs. Head, Bucket Ass (another visitor) and the aforementioned Irish lady.

The GM then iced Greyhound as a Lord Lucan lookalike, made him put on the Joker's hat and awarded him a teeth soother (dummy). Then he iced Hobbit for his hairy feet. Finally, he iced Bucket Ass and the Irish girl, who was then finally awarded a Hash name: "Hot Totty".

Hobbit then iced Bog Brush, Greyhound and Rumple 4skin for being colour blind, unable to see checks, and Jellobutt and V.V. as non-callers. Furthermore, he iced 5 of the visitors in connection with bed bugs on Thai night trains. Finally, he iced RSB, Bangka Blower and Satan's Willie and put SBS in the bucket, in all of these cases for sex with inanimate objects.

The GM iced SBS for wearing sunglasses. The visiting GM from Texas (What was his name again?) iced the hares for a snaky trail and Bucket Ass and Hot Totty for damage to local foliage. He then called My Precious into the circle to sing him a song. He also iced Split Beaver, for a reason unfortunately not recorded.

RSB put the GM, Hobbit, Rumple 4skin and Jellobutt on the ice, to tell them a story in connection with Scruffy Bastard Day.

G.I. Joe iced Bucket Ass (for an unknown reason) and 5 ice skaters for being ice skaters. He then iced Jellobutt, Satan's Willie and Missing Link and put the Texan GM in the bucket, for holding a private circle.

The GM then sang us his newly-composed Jungle song "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the Hashers drink tonight", but was criticized for the insufficient lyrics: only one line after 10 months as GM.

The Texan GM then iced 4 participants for wearing Hash Mash shirts. Then, he gave down-downs to 4 girls (one in the bucket) for a reason not recorded. He then sang us the so-called "Keyhole Song". Finally, he used the remaining 5 down-downs for the GM, SBS, RSB and Running Dick on the ice and Bucket Ass in the bucket.

The rest was the Hash hymn (male and female versions) and the bus trip back to Pattaya. It was a good hashing afternoon, but could it be the circles in Pattaya are a little too long? At least this is what you feel whenever you are the scribe.

On On
Jackal

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