The numbers were visibly down due the early start. The bus from town took almost four hours and we were able to trick Jazzer into believing we were going to Chang Mai . The long bus trip was a chance for camaraderie to build with Nah He Man on his feet for the entire journey and confessed when he got off the bus that he had truly found some true hash Buddies, even suggesting everyone and in particular was able to spend long quality time with Satan's Willy and Smelly Bastard .

It was noted that the time conscious Sheik MeMe arrived at the departure point at 1155 hours, with no bus in sight, however still having forgot to park his transport that was still under he, Sheik MeMe spoke to Really Sadistic Bastard and Ball Ringer (two very senior Jungle Hash's) and suggested that he should park the said transport in front of the Thistle Bar, the HHH bar and home of the Pattaya Jungle Hash (just round the corner). Couple of minutes later, Sheik MeMe arrives back at the departure point to find that the f*c*en bus had gone! After finding alternative transport to catch the said departed bus, Sheik MeMe boarded and Ball Ringer and Really Sadistic Bastard were so ashamed of their “letting a friend down”, that they did not speak with Sheik MeMe for the rest of the day.

The trauma (combined with the hangover) had such an affect on Sheik MeMe , that he immediately retired to the back seat on the bus and laid and slept for the rest of the trip and can recall nothing more of the longest bus ride ever

……………..Awoken by the GM 's phone call to enquire of our whereabouts, Sheik MeMe discovered that two ladies were supporting his legs for the entire journey. A pleasant surprise and then a groin issue……….. it was discovered that these ladies had removed a portion of Sheik MeMe 's attire while he slept and liberally administered prickly heat powder in the MOST sensitive area! Showering on a moving bus is difficult though Sheik MeMe demonstrated that it was possible.

The grandest A-Site in the history of the hash! We had parking for one hundred and eighty thousand vehicles, a fully functional airport and a small ferry terminal. This was the Mis-Management Run and we knew it was going to be good.

Circle up, and some likely virgins that Sheik Bin Shaggin dragged from the Thistle Bar were reclining in shelter, in zero footwear, with zero intention of putting that fag out and going for a run. With everybody's attention the GM was running through serious matters of new shoes, virgins and visitors. The hares brief was short and we were off on what was to be the world's biggest check-a-thon! The hardest checks in the history of hashing in Thailand and possibly the world! There were at least 12 of these monsters and Mrs. Head and Lord Lucan were seen miles off trail (where else would you expect to find him?), more often than not, in search of that elusive paper. Spaghetti Head , making a rare appearance took charge of the mid section of the pack and shouted prophetic instructions (orders) to the wayward soul's (sailors) like Sheik MeMe , who was still recovering from the ball dusting on the bus. Seal Sucker, Smelly Bastard and Nah He Man were making good time going nowhere! It was the consensus that the lake where we started from, was days away and that our only hope of survival was to stay well away from Arseholeo and Ball Ringer .

Starting at 1400 hours is always a good time to start, as the heat of the day is at its most intense and if you are a backmarker and you choose to do the whole trail and follow paper then you're as good as dead! Not so was the ever improving Lord Lucan that was at blistering pace all day and was in three hours before all other FRB and in the true Nigerian cultural tradition, confessed that he was on paper the entire trail. Behind Lord Lucan there were the shirtless 4 of Seal Sucker, Smelly Bastard, Nah He Man and Sheik MeMe . So inseparable were these four that, for kilometre after kilometre they were at pace and straining to catch Lord Lucan . Running past Ball Ringer , when Ball Ringer got a check right, to hear the cries of “O I just Can't, I just can't anymore and just need to get fitter” and “You know Tim is really running well and……………….”

The water on trail was exceptional, where waist deep was routine and fanny deep was regular. Close to home, was a welcome relief, seeing the lake within ten kilometres and we could taste the beer (ok, Seal Sucker was licking the sweat off Sheik MeMe 's back). Just beside runway 08/26, of our grand A-Site, there was more deep water, and then seen staggering down the centre of the runway was Greyhound , looking like Bruce Willis in the 1990 epic, Die Hard 2, with 62 broken bones and having been shot 160 times, there was this striking resemblance!

Sir Lance an the Hares Gi Joe and Hobbit had been entertaining the non runners and protecting the beer from the Australian Aboriginals who they knew were close (sunstroke you see) and Sir Lance was not going to take any chances and was getting rid of as much of the stuff as possible.

The runners found swimming friendly water, which was a welcomed relief and possibly the reason for zero fatalities, although Jackal may have died from injuries sustained at a later date, however we cannot find him and presume he has been picked up by a UFO and taken to…...................……Beam Me Up Scotty

Bush Woman and Sweet Pussy were keen to barbeque for everybody, though I later found out from Bush Woman that it was because she was hungry and needed to get the runners out of the way before the ladies grazed.

Sir Lance was seen defending his fortress (the barbeque) against the Norwegian insurgence and we witnessed small skirmishes and some momentous battles. Jazzer defected to the Norwegians with the promise of a senior rank if he could penetrate the enemy lines and bring home the spoils. Jazzer adopted guerrilla tactics and managed some prized marinated Australian beef which were promised by Jazza to the armies of Norman . Jazzer mysteriously disappeared into a can of Leo before his former allies realized the betrayal

OVER TO YOU BAM BAM …………………..

Thanks Sheik MeMe for your insightful review of the days run, being a shortcutting, self driving backmarker, I was completely unaware of the facts.
Grand Master Dizzy having called the circle got the proceedings underway buy icing the hasher dressed as a Canary, Ballringer for sitting on the gay pink chair (where he belongs), then cooled the rear ends of the returners and Visitors. Sir Lance was thanked the traditional way (Iced Arse) for being a generous supporter and donor of the cap each of the participants received. Hares Iced for trying to kill everyone in the midday sun.
Hobbit on in: Ices Greyhound - Thats the One , and Split Beaver – Shooting Star for having a romantic beachside dinner without offering Hobbit to join them as the restaurant was packed. Ices Dizzy for a beer can indiscretion  SINNERS
Dizzy retakes the circle seeking revenge and ices Hobbit for mistaking the Monkey house for a 5 star hotel resort. Cools Lord Lucan 's rear for bragging about being the only other Falang to have reached an off limits beach other than Hobbit .
Arseholeo ices:  Split Beaver and Arseholeo's latest concubine for wearing the Hamersley Wankers shirt, and accuses the squeeze of washing his whites with her red knickers turning a Hamersley shirt Pink , Jazzer, Sheik MeMe and Really Sadistic , are brought to bare (haha) and the circle is asked to appoint the new owner of the said Pink Wankers shirt, Really Sadistic is declared the winner.
Dizzy 's back: ices Seal Sucker , MeMe , Arse-Holeo , Sheik Bin Shaggin and Satans Willy , Tiger drinkers to a man for being inconsiderate Bastards and putting Tiger bottles in Chang carton.
MeMe on in: ices the hares and accuses GI Joe of having the worlds ugliest arse, invites Nah He Man to sit a while for being the Phuket Pervert , an un-named Norgy FRB for not calling, Seal Sucker for being a FRB Kiwi. Invites Dizzy , GI Joe and Bam Bam to sit a while for drinking the resort dry the night before. Arseholeo cools for a bit for being a sicko and is joined by Lord Lucan for being a FRB / SCB .
Sheik Bin Shaggin on in: ices his virgin hasher friend for being a pervy and wanting to see more bare arse, Arse-Holeo and Arsaholic join her for being arses.
Dizzy back in: and with reference to Sheik MeMe 's prickly heat problem and for sleeping on the bus, Sheik MeMe is invited to cool said prickly heat problem on the ice, just to be sure there would be no further inconvenience to Sheik MeMe 's tackle. Squeeze My Tube , Mrs Head , Sweet Pussy and Bush Woman are iced for doing a great job of catering and for simply because he can. Jackal is invited to finish re-hydrating by taking up some ice cold narm via his rear end.
Spagetti Head ices the Mis-Management for putting on an excellent day
Dizzy back in: Time for some naming ceremonies, no name pom is named Frozen Bollocks for complaining of just that problem, whilst a name was being decided on, and the previously mentioned Norgy FRB is named Smelly Bastard for attracting every dog on the entire run.
Arseholeo and his Squeeze are iced whilst enjoying the last of the down downs.
Circle is called to a close and everyone piles back on the bus for the 4 hr trip home.
On On
Bam Bam and Sheik MeMe