On Sunday I arrived at The Thistle Bar where I met up with many of the Pattaya hashers I had

met at Indochina Mekong in Sukhothai- Shiek Me Me, Shiek Bin Shaggin, Lord Lucan , Dizzy and

others, including our fake Canadian hasher from Asheville , Mount Hee .

We jumped on the bus and headed out into the tapioca and pineapple fields of the surrounding

rural areas for trail. With the bus pulling up next to a water retention basin of some sort, we

walked a short way to the A site where they were unloading ice, setting up a circle of stools

(sitting circle in Pattaya) and just getting ready in general.

There I met the hares, V.V. and Tampax and after a short span we set off into the tapioca trees

to follow paper.

Zipping around the trees was good run, until I heard a slight buzzing in my ear and before I

knew it hot fire shot into me. I was the victim of a wasp who nailed me in my left ear. I haven't

been stung in a long time, but that just was incredible pain. Shiek Bin Shaggin' later told me he

saw the damn thing target me, then follow me from three meters back like a damned guided

missle.

By the time I shook off the pain, the running pack was well ahead and I had to work to catch up

with the walkers. Regaling my tale with one of the Pattaya members, I got the response,

"Welcome to Pattaya Jungle!" Boy ain't that right!

Nevertheless, I wasn't going to let one lousy wasp ruin this trail for me so I took off with a

combination of following paper and shortcutting by listening to the cries of "On-On!" in the

distance. Through this clever methodology I was easily able to catch up to the meat of the pack.

Eventually falling into a good pace, the trail started to divvy from the pineapple field paths and

switched into the jungle. Same good jungle, shiggy, much less mud than before. Thankfully the

well laid trail kept our losing paper to a minimum and before I knew it, we were breaking back

out into grassy fields and more pineapple. A few k more and the On-In was a welcome sight

from what I could consider a great jungle run. Honor to the hares, V.V . and Tampax!

While waiting for the rest of the pack to come in, Asheville hasher Mount Hee decided to go

swimming in the water basin. Umm, ok, swim away...

As he got out into the water Dizzy yelled at him to get out of the water, that they were starting a

crocodile farm. Mount Hee quickly exited only to have Dizzy come up and say, "only joking

mate!" Something that would come back to haunt Mount Hee in circle later that night.

With the pack now in, V.V . procured some wonderful French cuisine of meatballs, rice and

soup. We all noshed on the goodies for a while before Dizzy finally got circle a-goin' by calling

the hares to the ice.

Now, it should be noted that Pattaya Jungle Hash is a sitting circle. They provide stools for

everyone and two of the stools are pink. These are the "poofter stools" and if you get caught

sitting on one, you get the bucket.

After the hare's down-down Dizzy explained his little joke to Mount Hee and after the laughter

died down, he was proclaimed "the victim!" and given a fancy bonnet and girlie umbrella.

More down downs were given and Shiek Me Me took the stage with the call of " Jellobutt , in

THE BUCKET!"

And there he stayed, in the bucket, while Shiek Me Me related story after story of some form or

another. Then us Americans ended up on the ice for... well fucking up the world economy

(sorry?). Well, at least we don't half ass stuff.

Shiek Me Me then passed circle back to Dizzy and Jellobutt got called out of the bucket. Not a

second after he had rejoined circle Dizzy goes, "Jellobutt, in the bucket!"

Now, I don't know Jellobutt , but the man was getting abuse (sado?).

Circle passed hands a couple more times, with Hobbit getting us Americans on the ice again,

this time for a report that came out of America that said people who drink more than 4 liters of

beer a week have a greater chance for dementia. He then asked us on the ice how much we

drank last week (I said, yes!), then commented on the other hashers drinking levels (I was six

beers in, what do you want me to remember? Make it good!). He finished up our down-down and

with Jellobutt out of the bucket and the ice empty, I was called in to have a hand in circle.

So, who did I call in? Jellobutt!

Keeping him off the ice for a moment, I asked the pack if they felt he had suffered enough. Of

course not. But rather than put him in the bucket, I put him on the ice. I then called out the

victim, and said that Jello 's been abused, and who gets abused more than the victim? Mount

Hee, in the bucket!

I then called out the hares. You see these wankers were also the beer wenches and they had

control of one of the pink poofter stools. All night they were trying to get me to sit on it,

switching out my seat every time I stood up. But I am a wary and wily hasher and they failed

time and time again. Their only success was when Mount Hee was on the ice and I pointed out

to them that a valid opportunity was presented (yeah, I'm an advocate!).

I gave my down down, told Mount Hee to get out of the bucket and on the ice. Then I told the

hares to get off the ice, and told Jellobutt to get back in the bucket before passing circle off to

Dizzy who wrapped things up nice and cleanly. We all snagged a beer for the road before

jumping back on the hash bus and heading back to The Thistle Bar.

All in all it was a grand experience and well worth my journey to Pattaya. The best hash I've run

in Asia so far!

Now, you may be wondering why I've gone into so much detail about circle. Well, at the

beginning of circle Dizzy was looking for a scribe. No volunteers, so since I knew I would be

blogging this anyway, I figured I could do the job with some degree of inefficiency. I've been

pecking it together for the past 3 days through the beer haze of my mind. Who needs notes!?