Pattaya Jungle Hash Run 137. - Hares: Lord Lucan & G.I.Joe.

According to the pre-run publicity this was to be a run in virgin territory and would revive the spirits of those suffering from the Bush Hash's 100th run the previous day.

Midway among three days of Pattaya Hashing celebrations, the Jungle H3 pre run niceties mainly focused on checking out secure car parking in and around a very restricted A site.

The hares were very coy in their pre-run briefing, presumably because with almost 700 Pattaya runs between them, they had already misled the pack with the distances in the run directions. Giving little away, except a veiled warning of water and dry clothes, it was a revelation to learn the paper was white and checks red. Colour blind the hares are not, which cannot be said of King Yao Yao. Within 30 seconds after leaving the A site, he almost departed this life with a spectacular dive, tumble and roll into the nearby khlong, which later won the Honourable Hash Crash award for the year so far!

The early checks through pineapple fields and rubber plantations were devious and the pack was closely bunched throughout, despite the fast pace. Ballringer, true to form, showed a bunch of similarly deaf and dumb geriatrics, how to check out a false trail which had already been solved.

Open country running along energy sapping sandy tracks saw our mute FRB's take the initiative until eventually a check was encountered leading to a strange brown hill. Tears filled the eyes of our Aussie brethren as the Thai apparition of Ayers Rock appeared. Numerous Hashers were quickly scrambling around, defiling this Holy place until the trail was found by Mudcracker and Split Beaver. This led up and around the hill, down a gulley and passing another rubber plantation also in the process of being defiled.

After a good downhill stretch, the river crossing forewarned by the Hares was encountered. Some took their life in their hands and crossed the ramshackle bridge. Others decided that wading through a few feet of water was much the safer option. Squeeze My Tube and Really Sadistic had no option but to swim.

By now the pace was slowing with Bog Brush and Jellobut, reclining in the shade alongside another good check, dreaming of apricots and similar forbidden fruits. Rumpleforeskin was pondering the meaning of life and whether his life complied with Darwin 's Origin of the Species or Intelligent Design. The simple answer is neither and definitely not the latter. Jackal and Captain Kirk were communing with their celestial brothers, while Bam Bam still misty eyed over Aluhru, was lost and sobbing uncontrollably. The love of his life and arguably the only one ever to love him, Pebbles, had finally seen the light and deserted, citing irreconcilable differences due to his interminable singing.

Meanwhile Queen Stella was leading the pack home, followed by visitors Dennis the Menace and Captain Prickard with Speedy Gonzales in desperate pursuit. The SCB's were close behind emerging through the final coconut plantation after 1 hour and 10 minutes.

After visitors had been interrogated by the G.M., the circle deemed this an excellent run. With Lord Lucan in his element playing with fireworks and probably himself, the New Year inquisitions began ……….

A great start to 2009, most of the circle being treated to the pleasures of the ice, bucket and even a red or yellow card, brandished by our increasingly despotic G.M.

Hobbit