March 1, 2009

Thanks to the rain storm the previous night, the Jungle Hash had its first

official shiggy of the new year. Under overcast grey skies and thick humid air

GM Dizzy calls the first circle to welcome visitors, virgins, and hares. For some

unexplained reason, the GM didn't want to punish Seal Sucker for his new

shoes and so this lucky hasher escaped leaving the circle with dry, uninitiated

running shoes. Well, those shoes did not remain dry for long. The virgin hares

today, Headless Chuck and Rumpled Foreskin, gave the pack a quick and dirty

run down on how the trail would ramble. Then, soon enough, all we go.

"The hash is not a race".! How many times have I heard this ?!! But I believe in

"Running With Attitude", ... and so we went, down the orange colored

motorcycle path onto the first check of the day. I let Shit Thru A Duck "check it

out" so I could tie my shoes and stretch a bit under the shade tree. Oh what a

fine shade tree it was. I let Cabbage Kenevil go down another trail to "check it

out", not being able to leave my position due to exquisite breeze I was

receiving under said shade tree. A fine way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

After a few moments I heard Shiek MeMe and GI Joe gleefully cheer "On On",

and after losing all hope that the other two hashers had true trail I followed

these enterprising hashers. So, I sprinted along the trail (with Attitude of

course) by-passing nearly all the BWW (back walking wankers) and fat old

Brits/Aussies to catch up front, only to find a huge red F. T. Damn. I called the

F. T. (as I usually do, being the team player that I am) and headed back north

onto True Trail.

The pack weaved around rubber tree forests and cattle paths finding bits of

white paper without trouble. The typical FRBs such as Jellobutt, Shit thru a

Duck, Mud Cracker, and Hollywood Hills Pink Cock, and Seal Sucker lead the

way under bramble and into thicket. The middle of the packers such as Shiek

being FRBs, but alas they try. Good effort boys. Shiek Bin Shaggin' was

pulling up the rear along side Squeeze My Tube and Fuzzy Lure.

Eventually we found our way into deep shiggy. Being a sensible hasher, and a

team player, I led Lord Lucan and Seal Sucker around the shiggy and found a

very suitable dry bridge to cross. Again, we outsmarted the hares... but not for

long. The shiggy would find its way into our shoes nevertheless as we crossed

the cattle greens to another open field full of cow shit and shiggy coated

weeds.

Another big red check. Great, a nice fine shade tree just up ahead with my

name on it. Making sure other hashers did their part of being a team, I let them

"check it out" while said shade tree provided me the extra time to take a piss,

tie my shoe, and stretch out under its broad leaf palms. No sense over

exerting myself while said shade tree and I got to know each other better. After

awhile I decided that the "team" needed some "eyes" to find the check, and

taking pity on the BWW and middle packers, I went out to find the check. And

find it I did. I sprinted the 300 meters or so overpassing Sheik Me Me only to

find another huge bright red F. T. fuck me.

I should of stayed beside said shade tree. What was I thinking???

The pack went up the hill. But why should I? Stay below where its safe and

shaddy, thought I, after all if its good enough for the GM then its good enough

for me. We rounded the base of the hill to the other side and landed on

another red check just outside the rubber plantation. Just the perfect place to

have a sit down and enjoy the tropical forest. Splendid vistas to observe

letting other overly zealous hashers "check it out" to improve their self-

esteem. No sense taking all the credit for solving all the checks, all the time.

Be part of the team and let others feel good about themselves too.

This check was solved but not without Shit thru a Duck, Seal Sucker, Cabbage

Kenevil and myself running directly into some of the shiggiest shiggy found in

the day trying to short cut. Up to our hips in it we were. Good thing Really

Sadistic Bastard wasn't with us at the time, he would of drowned in a big black

mess.

Well, not to make a long story longer, a couple of FRB hashers eventually

made it to the On In circle but failed to sufficiently touch the beer truck

properly in time to "come in first." We all know that to touch the beer truck

properly requires one of two pieces of evidence; either another hasher

witnessing the actually touch, or fingerprints on the truck that properly match

the hasher at the time of said touch. Not having either of these two pieces of

evidence in order, unfortunately, these hashers will need another day to

improve themselves. As I used to say to my exwife, "Don't worry little misses, I

will come first", I will have to once agiain repeat this expression to my fellow

Jungle Hashers and wish them the best of luck on the next go-around.

On On

Jellobutt