GM Hobbit pulls me aside before the first circle begins and says " Jellobutt , I need you to be the scribe for today's run because I know Cabbage Kanevel and Ms. Head are very insecure about their run today. They know that your Koh Larn run is coming up in 2 weeks and they fear they won't be able to meet up to your caliber of haring expertise. You are the only hasher I can trust to tell the truth about this run with accuracy beyond reproach. Can you handle this important mission?" "Indeed I will do my best sir." I replied...and then the torrent downpour began right on cue. A sign of things to come I suppose.
This run actually had three parts. Part 1 and Part 2 were excellent. Part 3 was bad. No, let me rephrase that.. . Part 3 was VERY VERY bad because I got lost!.
Part 1:
The pack set out with the usual athletic suspects in the front and the fat old bastards in the rear. On the first check we split up into three directions of which all three yielded no paper. After a bit of circling about with a lot of cursing and groaning from the likes of Really Sadistic Bastard and Bam Bam , Bell End finds true trail in the middle of an orchard.
What was a clean dirt path yesterday has now become a sloppy shiggy muddy mess with the unrelenting rain. There is much slipping and sliding as hashers attempt to jump over puddles and avoid splashing into ditches.
The second and third checks were solved rather quickly by Shit Thru A Duck who would not be seen again for at least 20 minutes. Ice ButtBuddy is holding a tight third behind Jellobutt who is shouting ON ON like no tomorrow but alas, the fat old bastards in the rear are too far behind to hear. Mudcracker is chasing forth catching up when the three of us run smack into a false trail. After a couple of more FTs that slowed down the FRBs, Captain Kirk, Greyhound, and Beverly Hills Pink Cock made a made dash towards the front lines.
The rain stops as the pack begins to close up at the water stop. I see Shiek MeMe and Ballringer coming around the corner edging their way to the truck and this is the signal that its time to get back on trail. Shit Thru a Duck and Ice Bucket Buddy had already left the water stop and Mudcracker and Jellobutt were right behind. End of Part 1.
Part 2:
The four FRBs were doing what they do best,... trying to outrun the other guy while letting Shit Thru A Duck find the false trails and solve the checks. At the last check Shit Thru a Duck and Ice Butt Buddy go to the right. Mudcracker takes a piss and Jellobutt ties his shoe. We wait. We watch. We catch our breathe. Nothing is happening. The pack is still way way behind.
After about 5 minutes, instinct says those 2 FRBs did not find trail. So Mudcracker and Jellobutt go down to the left into a muddy huge open construction pit where JB finds true trail. So here we are, JB leading the pack yelling ON ON at the top of his lungs and Mudcracker close on his heels. Somewhere in here Katoy Anal Masturbator injures his foot, Lord Lucan is shorting cutting, Missing Link is falling over his stick, Split Beaver is complaining about not getting enough sex, GI Joe is holding hands with Jazzer and Jackal is having multiple discourses regarding the theory of quantum physics with his all beloved friends. End of Part 2.
Part 3:
What happens next is one for the record books. JB and Mudcracker are on paper running down hill not more than 500 meters from the ON IN when the paper disappears. We run back up the hill to look for the last paper. We mull about in circles. After awhile Shiek MeMe appears with Ice Butt Buddy. The four of us are looking for the lost paper. So we all run back down the hill another 300 meters or so. And what does JB see? A broken check! JB and Mudcracker follow the broken check while the Shiek and the Buddy go back up the hill. JB and Mudcracker find paper. We find another broken check. We follow the broken check. We find more paper. We find another broken check. We find more paper. We continue like this for 20 or 30 minutes when it finally dawned on us that... "how the heck could there be so many broken checks when we are the FRBs?" Duh. AND nobody, absolutely nobody is behind us. Uh Oh. Yes, thats right hares, we ran your freaking trail backwards for 30 minutes after we were just 500 meters away from the On In. The great food prepared by the hares more than made up for our extra effort and the circle that followed is another matter!!