Run Report

A new year has dawned and it’s Sunday, 2nd January, 2011 and the Pattaya Jungle H3 has it’s 1st run for this new year, hared by, who else, but our very own “Laurel and Hardy” aka Colonel Cornhole and Beetroot Head. Although, after this fiasco, there is talk of the Colonel being demoted to Private.

Below are listed 3 definitions that I downloaded straight from the online Thesaurus that will be needed later on in today’s report for you to understand it more clearly.
1:

2:

su·mo

[soo-moh] –noun

A form of wrestling in Japan  usually being men (or little horrors) of great  weight, who eat lots and lots of chips, watermelon, bananas, chili con carne, bread and anything thing else they can find, while drowning it with 3 or 4 cans of soda.

3:

With directions to today’s run planted firmly in my mind, I arrived at today’s A site in a totally confused state, thinking that I might have come down with that serious disease that Lord Lucan suffers from, namely “canttellmyrightfrommyleftitis”.

I was sure the directions on our wonderful website said “at 1.6klm from the 3240 turn right onto a dirt track” and yet here I was, turning left into a paddock only 1klm from the 3240. But sure enough, it was indeed the A site, which I knew straight away, because Johnny Tralala’s bus was  parked here and had already disgorged it’s occupants.
Sign ups were then completed and our returning GM, Bam Bam, gave us his pre-run performance, which I don’t need to add to here.

Laurel and Hardy then came into the circle and gave us their version of what to expect on today’s run. And I DO remember the hares advising us to take plenty of water, but let me state right now, that at NO TIME, did I hear any mention of the need for flashlights, mountain climbing equipment, first aid kits for bleeding noses due to the change in atmospheric pressure, or pitons needed when required to abseil.

However as I was exiting the A site amid this pack of excited Hashers, Burl Ives sidled up to me and mentioned he was indeed advised to  take a flashlight. Little did I realize then that this comment would play a part in decisions made later on during the run.

It was ON OUT across the black top, led superbly by Ollie, one half of that dynamic comic duo, and up into the bush past an old battleground, once used by those sparring partners, Jellobut and Burl Ives, on a previous Jungle run.
It wasn’t long after this, that Arseholeo and his mobile phone parted company and he remained behind to look for it, while we all continued on with the run. So you can imagine my surprise, when about 2hrs later, Arseholeo arrived at the A site only a short distance behind the lead runner, Cabbage Head, and who became most indignant when questioned, as to his completing the whole trail, by Stan, the other half of the comic duo.
But after a few beers, I was able to ascertain that it only cost him 100baht for a lift on the back of a Thai farmer’s moped. A valuable lesson, he said, he learnt from Sheik Bin Shaggin many many hash runs ago.

OK now where was I up to with this story……….ah yeah that’s right.

We were walking at a rather brisk pace but still the pack was disappearing from our view at a great rate of knots. It was just after we came across either the 3rd or 4th broken check (I just love those FRB’s) that George The Turd noticed the paper veering off to our right and heading up into the mountains, whilst at the same time watching Lord Lucan coming back down the mountain. This is when I heard a noise behind me. I turned, not knowing what to expect, as it was a noise not like anything I had heard before, and my mouth fell open in amazement. It was Arseaholic giving an opinion on which way we should go. I had never heard him utter a sound before this. I couldn’t believe it. A miracle had just occurred. And then we all broke down and had a little cry. Oh what joy. After blowing my nose and wiping away the tears, I remembered what Burl Ives had said earlier and so we all did a left and headed back to the black top for a very short stroll back to the A site.

Now I’ve made some crap decisions in my time on this planet, but as it turned out, coming back to the A site in just on the hour, was one of the better ones.

The 1st runner back was Cabbage Head in 1 hr 46mins
The last runner  was Greyhound who didn’t make it back, but phoned about 9pm to say he had just found his way home and for That’s The One to drive home immediately as he needed a hot bath and massage, and he couldn’t find his cigarettes. Where did she put them?

su·mo

[soo-moh] –noun

A form of wrestling in Japan  usually being men (or little horrors) of great  weight, who eat lots and lots of chips, watermelon, bananas, chili con carne, bread and anything thing else they can find, while drowning it with 3 or 4 cans of soda.

Yes, that’s right.  The little apprentice SUMO that Squeeze My Tube brought to the hash, as her substitute for GI Joe who was off tearing up the jungle in Malaysia somewhere. She brought him in the hope that any left over food scraps would be easily devoured by this midget SUMO. However she forgot that Jackal was in town so there was no chance of anything vaguely resembling food scraps would be left.

But that didn’t stop the little horror from quaffing down 4 cans of soda, most of the watermelon, a whole bowl of chips, and he was last seen gnawing on the leg of a very exhausted Eddie, who just managed to tilt his head a little, and look this wannabe SUMO right in the eye before dribbling down his chin, just too damn tired to do anything about it.

Now we get to the part of the report that I really wanted to sink my teeth into. After all it’s about Jellobut, the Sugar Daddy, and that slinky little vixen that brought him to the hash and who paid his run fees for him.
But words just fail me………………

But the circle, once again, was superb and Greyhound was found and the hares have given us something to talk about for the next 2 weeks, so all is well.
So its goodnight from him……

Dizzy

If he wasn't before this run he is now