Run Report

.............The Aussie Run ............

It is with great sorrow that I have to inform the general public that the Australian Yobbo has extended its range from pubs, football fields and backyard Barbee’s and has invaded the hash house harriers.

This was evident in the behavior of certain yobbo hares at the recent Aussie Day Jungle hash run and these non repentant have vowed to continue their antics into the future.

They are not unlike invasive Cane Toads that have grown longer legs and now wear singlets, stubbie shorts and thongs. We must send a clear message to these so called hares and devise some remedial help to rehabilitate these poor unfortunate creatures. If that fails the only solution will be to impose some special treatment for them on future hashes!

And it gets worse-
I’ve a mate who’s just got back from Australia. While there he visited your big rock & insists that there’s a McDonalds on top of it! As ghastly as it may sound, yes, I’m afraid there now is a McDonald’s on top of Uluru:

Thankfully no more fast food outlets will be going up there. No KFC or Pizza Hut. Maccas have exclusive rights. Okay okay, so I made most of that up. Except for the McOz burger, that’s real.

Spiders scare the shit out of me. Just how common and how big are spiders in Thailand compared with Australia? With a special note to GM Bam Bam who was bitten by one at the A site.

Despite the fears (particularly among the French, it seems) of Thailand being overrun with gigantic spiders, snakes and other such deadly creatures, they’re not actually that common. They only occur in plague proportions at certain times of the year.

In urban areas, snakes are pretty common. However, you’d almost certainly have to go looking hard to find any, and if you’re foolish enough to stomping about in long grass with no foot or leg protection, then you might get into some trouble.

Spiders are less rare, but most of the really scary big ones are relatively harmless, at least physically. (I’m not going to argue that psychologically they might scare the crap out of you… they certainly have that affect on me.) The few dangerous spiders tend to be the smaller ones such as the Ban Chang Redback and the Pattaya Funnel Web.

A survey by the ABS showed a mere 14.2% of the population noted bite or sting in the previous four weeks and in most cases all died a painful death. The figures included bites from snakes, spiders, dogs, but not insects such as the mosquito. It doesn’t comment on whether bites from small children or other rabid hashers were included.

While in Thailand it always pays to be aware of your surroundings, and not to place yourself in danger of bites from snakes or spiders or man-eating tigers, none of them are common, and shouldn’t hold you back having a good time. However, always carry a big stick if it makes you feel safer.

Perhaps by now you may have guessed the scribe did not partake in the hash run due to his mia noi forgetting to pack his running shoes and he was left with a pair of Nigerian work boots to struggle along with. Therefore you have a disjointed load of rubbish as the run story.

Late in the afternoon, Mr Bam Bam reported several hashers had gone AWOL. He described how they had decided to go for a walk into the jungle, but had not returned. Mr Bam Bam stated that he had gone into the jungle, calling out to them, but desisted as he did not want to wake the koala bears. He could only conclude that the poor hashers had been dragged deeper into the jungle by dingos and as they were French not to worry!! The missing male hashers was described as being of slight build, around 75 kilos and balding. His wife is described as being a pasty looking redhead, built like a brick shithouse and weighing in at 110 kilos. If dingos were responsible for this, then they were either crossed with St Bernards or they could drive a fucking tow truck". (Later they were rounded up by the Thai’s and returned by motor bike taxi)

Strange as it may seem the general consensus regarding the run how good it was. Indeed the pack returned to the A site (less the missing French) as a pack in just over one hour.
A great accomplishment when you consider the size of the pack involved.

Presently there is great concern in the hashing world about the general fitness of our beloved Jello Butt. No longer is he able to come racing back to the A site to place his sweaty fingers on the beer truck. How did JB get his name? -  Meaning - A woman's butt that giggles when she walks.

And the food…….Ah, The Aussie BBQ which was cooked by the Thai girls was very tasty. The cheese and crackers and the Port. Shit now I remember, why I can’t remember.

Form a circle thundered the G.M. but other than to say what good value our French visitors were and how the Irish contingent will be adding a few additional Hail Mary’s at their next confession, you will have to attend the Jungle Hash on the 30th Jan to find out what happens. We only write a run story.

ONON Olofofo Lucan