Ball Ringer 150- Bam Bam 69- Bangka Blower 55- Bell End 133- Burl Ives 38- Bush Woman 120- Cabbage Flaps 40- Cabbage Knievel 41- Captain Kirk 40- Colonel Cornhole 27- Crazy Pussy 2- Crocodile 2- Dirty Pussy 40- Gangreen 16- Graven Image 5- Hobbit 109- Horse 15- Jackal 93- Jellobutt 128- Keep Your Clothes On 5- Lord Lucan 192- MikeGyver 6- Miserable Cunt 25- Misuse Me 34- Mrs Head 79- Mud Cracker 34- Pebbles 35- Pig Pusher Swine Stabber 11- Pussy Snatcher 26- Rumpled Foreskin 77- Scar With 2T's 4- Seal Sucker 57- Sheik Bin Shaggin 179- Sheik MeMe 57- Squeeze My Tube 101- Stinky Sloppy Seconds 9- Thats The One 95- Try A Fuck 31- V.V. 104- Parou-Parou 1

Run Report

Reflections on Pattaya Jungle Hash Run Number 201

SOAKED, STUNG AND FROSTBITTEN BACKSIDE

A smaller pack than normal gathered for this week’s Pattaya Jungle event – the smart people stayed indoors…..  Proceedings started with ‘One Minutes of Silence’ in recognition of ANZAC Day (actual date for ANZAC Day is April 25th but this was nearest Sunday so fair enough……  even ‘ze French’ behaved with proper reverence and were quiet for a change.

As background ANZAC Day was originated to honour Ozzie and Kiwi military servicemen who fought on behalf of the British Empire.  ANZAC determination is much respected and is the foundation for a stereotype for the best-loved character in Australian folklore - the “battler”, an indomitable little person who soldiers on despite all the odds, struggling to hold down his job, raise his family and pay off his mortgage.

Battling adversity is what Australians excel at—and have done since 1788, when the first convicts were disgorged on to that fatal shore to build their own prison. ANZAC Day is not the anniversary of a great military success but commemorates Gallipoli, a catastrophic failure redeemed by a heroic evacuation.  It remains today Australia's most recognised military engagement and is marked by a public holiday.

The battler spirit has enabled Australians to survive and prosper in the driest inhabited continent on earth, full of the most poisonous snakes, the largest crocodiles and the most terrifying sea-creatures.

Respects were paid so allowing the fun to begin…..  except right on cue the heavens opened, we should have realized the downpour was an omen of worse to come.  The hares warned the pack about barbed wire and bees and sent us on our way.

However, notable ‘failures’ for not leaving the A site… and remaining dry were Burl Ives, Bunka Blower, Bush Woman,  and also our soon to be departed HM.  Cornel Cornhole was also excused with weakest non-runner excuse of all time  -  he had a pimple on his knee!

As we set-off ZeeZucker reinforced our low opinion of Kiwis by overtaking and stomping in the muddy puddles to splash the outgoing pack, some hashers looked to have been through the shiggy even before leaving the A site  -  imbecile!

Usual suspects were again the silent running FRB’s, we expect nothing less from the recalcitrant Jellobutt.  However Mudcracker (man with best job in the world), Scar with two T’s  should know better.  Even Cabbage Knievel was unusually quiet this week.

And then the pain started…. there were at least three locations on trail where the pack disturbed bees.  Crazy Pussy’s rear end proved too irresistible for the swarm (hope she is not suffering swelling of the buttocks to the extent that my neck is enlarging as I type this), and no shortage of volunteers to suck-out the poison…. from Crazy Pussies bum not my neck!

Mrs ‘Stung five times on the head’ Head also suffered along with many other hashers too numerous to list.

When checking at three-quarters distance Sheik MeMe was sneakily trying to follow Bell End believing she would have inside knowledge from Ball Ringer about direction of true trail and quickest route back to the A-site…  it proved to be a flawed strategy and nearly had him lost in the jungle.  The lesson is…’ you are getting old Granpa and no longer have the stamina to keep up with svelte like physic of super-fit Bell End.

Sheik Bin Shaggin & Lord Lucan were also trying to circumvent the full course to make an early return to the beer coolers.  Employing high-technology in the form of a smart GPS device proved futile, (not enough brain-cells remaining guys!) the pair won the DFL award.

Despite all the pain and suffering it was a good trail overall with plenty of paper laid-out on the course -  would have been a potential candidate for run of the year - except for the damn bees!

Reported by Capt. Kirk

Captain Kirk