Health Ministry Warns Of HASH Outbreak
Infectious condition known to kill all joy & pleasure
PATTAYA– The Health Ministry has issued its most serious health watch since the SARS outbreak of 2003, warning all hasher’s that the community is under threat from a serious outbreak of Arseaholic V.V...
The condition, originating in the central Pattaya, is known to be highly contagious and in many cases terminal. Symptoms include the need to explore wet places, pale, pimpled skin, social unpopularity, trench foot and a severe loss of pleasure and happiness in life. (Not to be confused with rabies) Virginity at the age of 30 is considered a major marker of the disease.
“Those who have full-blown cases of Arseaholic V.V rarely die from it, but experience a quality of life that’s almost not worth living,” said Health Minister Jurin Laksanawisit. Carriers of Arseholic VV, recognizable by their stylistically challenged wardrobe featuring gaudy hash shirts have been spotted in downtown Pattaya and as far up county as Udon Thani. Each carrier is capable of infecting dozens of others with Arseaholic VV. Jurin was quick to point out that there was no need to panic, as many populations had demonstrated a natural resistance to the syndrome, with the highest incidence of immunity recorded in large cities with vibrant, international culture.
“The WHO guidelines for containing VV suggest that maintaining a sense of humour, keeping an open mind, and to never sit on plastic seats.
With the ever present fear of catching unfortunate social diseases our much revered G.M piloted the Jungle pack to the first paper – JUNGLE RUN #206 was underway- ONON. With adrenalin surging and the smell and noise of F1 racing cars in the background Cabbage Knievel was the first to make a showing only to be foiled by the first back check. G.I Joe, the rotund bastion of Jungle Hashing stumbled onto the correct trail and was the first into V.V’s watery domains swollen to dangerous levels by overnight rain. On a practical level, the best place to stay was in the centre of the river, this avoided the knee deep mud at the margins.
After much splashing the pack emerged into a field of pineapple and encountered a rather difficult check. This was eventually solved by Vaseline Thighs who was over the hill and far away. Jellobutt had taken up his normal sitting pose.
Your scribe at this point had re-entered the river to check for paper and had encountered one of the local cattle herders (female) answering the call of nature. Obliviously, this was another of the pre planned attempts by the hares to disorientate the pack. Well it worked very well and so trapped on the one side by the cattle and on the other by a fat female with her strides around her ankles it was another 15 minutes and a small deviation through a hole in thick jungle canopy before I encountered the FRB’s once again. The ever vocal Rectom, using a few choice expletives announced my arrival.
As the devious trail circled a rather high wall topped with electrified wires Vaseline entertained the pack with a demonstration of head butting. This drew large gasps from the pack and a large amount of blood from his head.
After a lot more tapioca and pineapple the pack arrived pack at the A site 8 Km and 70 min with shoes full of sand and contented smiles. They will live to run another Jungle.
Well done to Arm Pit who also struggled into the A site all be it a little later than most. – did he also encounter the Thai lady without her strides while on the trail?
“Lord Lucan & Bush Woman are plotting your unfortunate demise”. Come and try your luck on #207 03 July.
This is a Jungle Run Story – if you wish to know what antics occurred in the Jungle Circle you will have to attend the run. ONON to 3 July.......
This Weeks Scribe
Lord Lucan
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