Absolutely Fucken Clueless 13- Arseaholic 138- Ball Ringer 163- Bangka Blower 67- Barbie Doll 106- Bell End 145- Beverly Hills Pink Cock 57- Burl Ives 49- Bush Woman 128- Cabbage Flaps 53- Cabbage Knievel 53- Cabbage Patch 18- Captain Kirk 46- Cheap Norgy Cunt 44- Colonel Cornhole 38- Coppertone Babe 28- Cow Pat Moo 13- Crocodile 8- Dirty Pussy 48- Dizzy 156- E.T. 36- Gangreen 29- G.I. Joe 182- Jello Butt 139- Kee Chang 2- Lady Ga Ga 3- Lord Lucan 202- Mad Cow 35- Madamoiselle Chang 18- Manx Pedophile Pussy Fucker 6- Miss Use Me 45- Missing Link 49- Mrs Head 92- Pig Pusher Swine Stabber 17- Pissed Pole Dancer 13- Pussy Snatcher 36- Really Sadistic Bastard 176- Robbing Bastard 35- Rumpled Foreskin 90- Seal Sucker 65- Smiling Brown Spider 21- Spaghetti Head 77- Squeeze My Tube 114- Steptoe 21- Stinky Sloppy Seconds 15- Tampax 31- Torpedo Tits 16- Try A Fuck 37- Turd Burglar 23- Vaseline Thighs 40- V.V. 116- Wee Moaning Weasle 2- Ann Engejordet 2- Orphan Doudoon 6- Rat Warren 1

It started out with a simple text message “hare with me pjh3 23 October? The text had just come from my old mate V.V. and it was the crack of dawn.  Sure I replied, if you need help then of course.

A distant alarm went through my mind about the Jungle hash system of the next runs hares scribing the preceding run.  Oh well. It’s still a long way off and there’s a good chance I will be some other place on the ‘danger day’.  In any case, V.V. was the original hare so it’s his job right ? 

I should have known better when the next stage of V.V’s plan went into action.  Little did I know that there was only one run before our 23rd Oct date so when V.V. said to me (over dinner and a few beers at ActiveX’s place) that I ‘must go’ to the jungle hash on Sunday I agreed.  Besides, it was going to be an unusual a-site at BHPC’s beach side apartment at Jomtien and the hares BHPC and TAF had laid on an A to B run too. 

So run day came along and I arrived a ‘bit early’ at V.V’s place to pick him up along with the hash food.  “Hey V.V., you do know the directions to the a-site right?”  “Yes” he said, “we ‘must go’ Sukhumvit and make U-turn at Wat Huay Yai Road”.   I never learn, it was Da ja vou all over again as V.V. had got his communications all mixed up.  It was only after driving back towards Pattaya for 5 or 6 km’s that V.V called BHPC for help. 

So after wasting a good few litres of expensive benzene we arrive at this very nice apartment building near Wat Yan San Warraram road.  Fortunately we found a parking spot next to the building just behind the beer truck.  Beer Marley was the first person to talk and was a little stressed out as all the contents of the beer truck had to be transported by hand down about 200 steps to the beach.  So V.V and I made a re-con and sure enough there were a few other hash guys: Dizzy, Rumpled Foreskin, GI Joe, Squeeze My Tube, Mrs and Mr Head, Lord Lucan and one of two others who confirmed that we all had to hand carry everything down.

Strangely enough, there was an elevator that would have been useful if not for it being locked off.  So, we all chipped in and after 5 or 6 trips up and down the stairs got the stuff ready for when the bus would arrive.  I was totally knackered by this time and was a bit worried when BHPC said that the run was long.  “Don’t worry” he said, “there is a shorter walkers trail too”.

So, after sign up we all piled onto the bus and headed across Sukhumvit and up Wat Yan road.  My internal alarm was screaming at me again as we continued up and up and up …… After what seemed like about 10 km, the bus stopped at the Wat and all the runners were ordered out.  Walkers stayed and would be taken back down again to start their run about half way back.

Good luck shouted BHPC and he and the bus was gone, leaving the rest of us to find paper and get going.  Well that was really the problem from the start !  It was just so difficult to actually get going.  Sure we found paper and we followed no problems but the first thing I noticed was that instead of heading back down towards the beach we actually started moving further away.  When we did ‘get going’ it was only for a short distance before we came to another check with multiple FT’s or back checks leading away from the true trail.

The hardcore front runners such as Gi Joe, Mrs Head, Vaseline Thighs and a few others did not complain as they struggled on and on gradually being drawn further and further away from the a-site.  I was not too surprised to see that a front running group that included Pussy Snatcher, Jellobutt, Lord Lucan and V.V. appeared to be making their own trail. 

After one hour it was evident that we were still only about 1km from where the bus dropped us off.  On top of all that, the sun was starting to drop at an alarming rate and someone had called On On in a direction that was leading us even further away from safety.

At this point I bumped into the short cutting V.V and a few others and our instinct for survival and a sudden thirst for cold beer persuaded us that it was time to bug out and follow Wat Yan road back down to the Sukhumvit where we could then find our way back to the beach and the a-site before the what little remaining daylight disappeared altogether.

Taking the direct route down the road, it took us another 30 minutes to get back and we made it about 5 minutes before the sun dipped out of sight.  The front runners would take at least another 30 or 40 minutes before they came back in.  It was reported that the paper may have been picked up by the locals in one or two spots near Sukhumvit road as not even the front runners were able to find the On-In unassisted.

The circle was late at starting as our GM Rumpled Foreskin did not arrive back until well after dark.  It was the icing on the cake when I suddenly heard my name mentioned and that I was to scribe the run.  I’ve been V.V’d again darn it ! 

At this point it has to be said that no one got lost or went missing.  We were never too far away from either Wat Yan road or Budda Mountain road and it was fairly straight forward to head back in the event that the trail became too difficult.

No one can ever say they made a perfect run and it’s not the first time things have not gone exactly to plan.  This is the hash after all.  As for the beach experience, well that was very nice indeed.  As usual V.V. did a good job in feeding us all and a few of us also cooled down with a cold beer in the sea. Because of the late start, the circle also finished late.  I think everyone enjoyed the day and the circle.  Thanks BHPC and TAF for your hard work. The hares put a lot of effort into the day and all in all it was a lot of fun.

On On Tampax